No matter how much we appear to be a front for Sports Direct.
No matter how many times they let me down.
No matter how little they seem to care.
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Seaton Sluice. Yesterday.
proper bash on Pamela Anderson and/or Carmen Electra. Basically saying here that I'd even go through Hasselhoff to get a lungfull of the Baywatch dressing rooms. However somewhere in the process of filing my dreams with the pixies the plans got mixed up and now the big tittied millionaire runs the football club I have a season ticket for, and as much as I try, no matter how obvious walking away would be at this point. I can't give them up.
I've already signed up for next season. Most of you reading this will too. Most people who tell you they aren't, loud and proud, will go to a game or two next season. We can't give it up can we? None of us. Even if we don't go we'll sit and watch it on Sky. Sky give the club more money than season ticket sales ever did. It's a vicious grip you can't ever get out of.
Let's be honest. We don't win anything asides plaudits for having loads of fans. Which in itself winds up mid-table England, and even a bit lower down that that, Aston Villa fans. The club itself, the size of it in the media that we, the fans create ourselves make us the cash-cow Ashley can't give up. Mike Ashley can't give Newcastle United up either. It's like that Lord of the Rings movie, in which some dwarves can't give up the ring (that's us), or something. I slept through the last one. Ian Holloway plays a fine role as 'Gollum' and for some reason there's some aggro with the locals at Bamburgh Castle away.
Some of us have taken to old pastimes like laughing at the Mackems' results to fill the time while we stagnate. I'm no different to those people. But sadly in time it's gotten to the point where we've stooped to their level. Thinking about them all the time. I liked it much more when our big rivals were our title challengers, not the generally challenged.
But back to the top. I can't give them up. I'm actually excited by a fresh start with a new manager next season. We've wanted a change for a while now. Can only hope they don't stick to form and go with somebody they know well in Carver.
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But Carver isn't the man to take us forward. We all know that. John Carver probably knows that but he won't admit it publicly. If you or I had the Newcastle job we'd hold on to it for dear life. I'd love a bash at it. Who hasn't reloaded a saved game on Football Manager when we've been sacked? Well it's just like that. Probably.
John Carver is just living the dream. Sitting there managing Newcastle United surrounded by your mates. Kenny Dalglish did something similar not that long ago, though in respect to John Carver he hasn't tried to field his mates like Dalglish did with Barnes, Rush or his Paul. The fact the Dalglish daughter was working for Sky at the time stopped her playing the holding midfield role. I say this, if John Carver starts their bairn in the derby I'm going to look well daft. Though that's exactly the kind of 'lurcul jurdy pashin' we're crying out for, I'm told.
I can't get in to 'grass roots' football as an alternate. I'm sorry. I've only ever cared for one club and the closest I've gotten to watching a fat lad bombing down the wing, slowing down like an oil tanker coming into port on a hungover Sunday was Stephen Carr. That's as low as I'll go.
So all in all. I'm exactly where I'll always be this coming August. Leazes End lower. 2,000 away fans 40 feet up and behind me singing songs they heard other club's fans singing the previous week on Match of the Day. John Carver in the home dugout. Kelly Dalglish and Vurnon Anita taking the ripple from the Milburn Paddock whilst warming up. We're in profit.
It'll be great when we're good again.