|FUCKIN' HO'WAY MAN!!!|
Unless you've got money on one of the sides. Barce-fucking-lona have let me down twice this years in accumulators. I'm practically down Cesc Fabregas' weekly wage heading in to the festive season.
In order, and after years of work. I bring you the special steps to finding yourself swearing at Bologna's left back.
- Are either considered rivals to the almighty Toon?
- Are either a club who's success in this game stifles the Toon's placing in the league?
- Are you betting on one of the sides involved?
- Are either a club you consider to be supported by pricks? Spurs are usually a good example of this. No offence.
If still stuck, to further whittle down the options, here's where we get the Science out.
- Support the side with no former Mackems in their squad.
- Support the side with no former Smogmonsters in their squad.
- Support the side with most Geordies.
- Support the side Newcastle United beat in Europe. We're above them, morally. Triumphantly handing out sympathy to lesser people. Like Barcelona fans.. or Juventus ones.
- Is this European club competition? Draw out old World Cup anger and just cheer on whoever is playing against the Germans.
- Rally against the side who you reckon may go ape-shit in the tunnel come full time if things don't go their way.
- Which one do you reckon Shola would pick?
- Who has the prettiest kit?
- Who has the least amount of gingers on the field at that time?
- Which club has the most letters in their full name, from the sample collection: A-M-E-O-B-I.
If you're down here and you still haven't picked a side. By now chances are the Scalextric is ready to play. YES!